Day 3 - “Strike the Spark”  

When you (or your partner) are in business for yourself, there will always be some failures (heck, anyone who is alive faces failure from time to time!). But risk is always a third partner in an entrepreneur’s love relationships, and when failure looms, the feelings can be punishing enough to rock any relationship.

Let’s face it: when our loved one suffers, so do we. And the intensity of disappointment can be much more intense for entrepreneurs (and their lovers), who have often staked all of their personal equity--not to mention their entire selves (identity, self-worth, etc)--tied into the business.

When there is so much on the line and things get uncertain, rocky, or just plain disastrous, it can be difficult to remain positive and encouraging. However, studies show that when mistakes or failure rear their ugly heads, the best thing you can do for your marriage is to make allowances for your partner’s errors. In other words, respond with compassion, not contempt. Compassionate responses can ignite the loving spark that your relationship needs, especially in times of challenge.      

Challenge:

Criticism, an expression of contempt, is a wish disguised. For one entire day, refrain from criticizing your partner. Instead, use the following statements: 1) commit to articulating your criticism as a positive hope; it is as simple as starting sentences with “I wish,” instead of “You never,” or “You always.” 2) Express your faith in your sweetheart’s efforts and your understanding of his/her intentions, especially when something goes wrong. 3) In spite of setbacks, bolster your partner with your belief that he/she is doing the best they can, that you recognize their best is truly the most they can give, and that you value it.  4) Describe the qualities of character your lover’s efforts exhibit, not the results the efforts did or didn’t generate. Use compassionate observations of their personality, such as “determined,” “hard-working,” “considerate,” “devoted,” “tenacious,” etc.

Go the Extra Mile:

Go longer or deeper: Don’t quit after day one. How long can you keep this up? Deepen it by asking yourself these questions:

• What is the reason he/she is behaving (repeatedly) this way?

• What is the source of their aggression/ their apparent disregard for me/ their poor communication/ their irritability/ their forgetfulness/ their unreliability/ etc?

• What would help them be more mindful of not doing the things that are really upsetting me/ our relationship/ the business?

Journal Your Experience: Both compassion (and its destructive nemesis, contempt) are extremely contagious. Record your efforts to be more compassionate toward your partner. How did this exercise change the tenor of your interactions? Your attitude toward your lover? Your lover’s attitude toward you?

Share Your Experience with me, by emailing Gina@MarriagesWorthMillions.com

Questions? I’m only an email away. Send your comments, queries, questions or quibbles to me at Gina@MarriagesWorthMillions.com.