Day 2 - “Lay the Kindling”   When Sara and Jack began dating, they were poor college students living on student loans. Their frugal dates, consisting of sharing a hot drink at the local coffee shop, stretched into hours of confiding in one another.

Sara was the first person Jack ever told about his dream for The Underground, an upscale restaurant he planned to build in the top level of an old brick building in the warehouse section of town.

Ten years later, Jack and Sara are busy building the dreams they had, but they don’t talk much about them anymore. After a full day working, they hurriedly focus on dinner and kids’ homework.

Then Jack turns to answering emails, while Sara bathes the kids and puts them to bed. After, she lingers quietly at the doorway for a minute or two, watching him, then goes to bed herself, falling asleep long before Jack finishes his work.

They assume the lack of spark is just part of the price of running a business and raising a family, and they rationalize it’ll be easier to find each other again in the future, when things slow down.

A fire without the small, easily consumed initial fuel of kindling cannot grow.  

Similarly, dreams are the fuel that generate goals and fuel action. But life’s many challenges often push couples away from dreaming together (a critical part of bond-building) and into a grinding pattern of problem-solving and survival. When this shift leaves the “castles-in-the-air” abandoned, the relationship soon follows.

The good news is that, with a little effort, the warmth can be easily rekindled.  

Studies have proven that couples who begin re-cultivating their hopes for the future together are able to successfully rekindle the spark and the magical closeness that comes from dreaming together.

The research shows that:

• When couples create a shared vision for their future, their satisfaction in all areas of life increases.

• Entrepreneurs who share long-term business and family goals with their spouses score higher in every area of satisfaction than those who don’t.

• Of entrepreneurs who set shared family goals, 98 percent report being still in love with their spouse!

Challenge:

Set aside at least 20 minutes (minimum 10 min. each) of “Dream Time.”  Then, follow these steps, and switch roles:

• Invite your partner to describe what he/she wants life to be like in the next five years. Encourage him/her to go all out and share it with you, no matter how outrageous and distant it seems.

• Allow yourself to get caught up in imagining the vision, and set aside any skepticism or “realistic thinking.”

• Remember, this is a time for dreaming, for inspiring possibilities and enlivening your partner’s hope with your enthusiasm.

• Remind yourself of the old saying, “It doesn’t hurt to dream.” In this case, it helps--immensely!   

Go the Extra Mile:

• Make “Dream Time” a weekly conversation, so you are regularly dreaming out loud.

• Be courageous---let your lover in on your innermost wishes and goals.

• Outside of “Dream Time,” identify and share character traits or concrete things your partner is doing that can propel him/her closer to their dream.

• “Hide” playful notes or images from magazines that encapsulate the dream for your partner to find at unexpected moments.

• Make a mini vision board as a visual reminder of the dream and place where it will be seen multiple times daily.  

Journal Your Experience: Record your lover’s dreams in your journal, and brainstorm ways you can support him/her in realizing them during the upcoming week.

Share Your Experience and Ask Your Questions! I’m only an email away. Send your comments, queries, questions or quibbles to me at Gina@MarriagesWorthMillions.com.